Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sweet Caroline
Today - this week (and it is only Wednesday), has been one of those weeks where I just want to cover my head up and go back to bed. Saturday I woke up with a weird headache and nothing would make it go away. Monday I went to my regular doctor and he gave me some pain medicine, but said he was sure it was inflammation. Since it wasn't gone today, I went to the rheumatologist. I have had problems since I was sixteen, but things had been better until six weeks ago. I had a flare and my labs came back with my numbers going up for the second time in six months. Today after everything, the doctor put me on a medication that is used to test lupus, but I am using it as a preventive. I still don't have enough markers for my disorder to be called lupus, but I have more. I have faced many things in my life, and since I was sixteen, I have known that lupus is not the diagnosis that I wanted. It is a touchy subject with me because it scares me. I know God never gives me more than I can handle, but I am still scared. Now this morning before I saw my doctor, on the way there, I felt God. It is a safe loving, warming feeling!!!
I have felt His presence many times since I was younger. I have known the feeling, and deep down, I think I know that it was Him. But I read a book Saturday (reading is still ok with my headaches), that just enforced what the feeling was. I don't know what I was expecting with Sweet Caroline by Rachel Hauck. It was a good book, at first. Now it is great realizing the feelings that it has brought to the surface, it is an amazing book. Caroline faces her fears and grows closer to God throughout the book. She has the feeling of the presence of God. This is an amazing book. Caroline has a great story and I m glad that I read it.
With God's support, I can face anything. I am thankful for His love and knowing He is here.
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